Some people wake up every morning with a clear sense of purpose. They stretch, take a deep breath, and tackle the day with intention. And then… there’s the rest of us. Floating, existing, breathing but not really living. Some days feel meaningful, but many others just feel like placeholders between moments of sleep. And if I’m being honest, sleep has become my default state—both physically and mentally.
Existing, But Not Living
I sleep for over fourteen hours a day. Sometimes nineteen. It sounds excessive because it is. But the strangest part? Even when I’m awake, I’m not really here. My mind is off somewhere else, wrapped up in dreams—dreams of success, dreams of creativity, dreams of a life that feels like mine. I am a work in progress, but after forty years, shouldn’t I have some idea of where I’m going?
Maybe you’ve felt this too. That lingering question: What am I doing? Not just in a general, “what’s for dinner?” way, but in the deeper, soul-searching sense. What am I working toward? Why do I want the things I say I want? Do I even truly want them? Or have I just convinced myself that I should?
The Lottery Fantasy: A Dream of Escape or Change?
One of my most frequent daydreams is winning the lottery. It’s the ultimate “what if?” scenario. Imagine it: One moment, you’re just another person trying to figure things out, and the next, you have more money than you’ll ever need.
Say I win on May 3, 2025. After taxes, I walk away with $82 million. I’ve already mentally allocated $12 million for my family—because, well, it feels right. That leaves $70 million for me. And then the real question hits: Now what?
Would I change? Would I finally act on my big dreams, my long-buried ideas, my deepest creative urges? Or would I just let the money sit there, gathering dust like so many of my past ambitions?
Money is a tool, not a solution. I know that. Yet, there’s a part of me that still believes financial freedom might unlock something inside me—something that’s been buried under exhaustion, doubt, and years of just getting by.
The Illusion of “Having It All”
I say I want it all, but what does all even mean? A massive bank account? Unlimited freedom? The ability to create without constraint? Maybe it’s simpler than that—maybe all is just the ability to wake up and feel like I have a reason to be awake.
The truth is, purpose doesn’t come pre-packaged with wealth. It isn’t sold in a luxury store. It doesn’t magically appear when life gets easy. If anything, too much comfort, too much stillness, can smother it even further. That’s what I fear most.
If I won that $70 million and still found myself sleeping all day, what then? Would I finally admit that my struggles weren’t about money at all? That the real issue wasn’t my lack of wealth but my lack of clarity?
Finding Purpose Without a Jackpot
So here’s the real challenge: How do I stop waiting for some external force—be it money, motivation, or a miraculous wake-up call—to make me live my life?
- Act, Even When It Feels Pointless
- The biggest trap is waiting until you “feel ready” to start something. News flash: That feeling might never come. Start small. Write. Build. Move. Create. Even if it sucks, even if it doesn’t seem to matter.
- Redefine “Having It All”
- Maybe all isn’t what I thought it was. Maybe it’s not about wealth or achievement, but about feeling connected to something bigger than myself.
- Make Peace With Uncertainty
- Not knowing my purpose doesn’t mean I don’t have one. It just means I’m still uncovering it. That’s not failure—it’s process.
- Stop Sleeping Through Life
- I can rest. I can dream. But I need to wake up. Not just physically, but mentally, emotionally. Maybe I don’t need $70 million to make that happen. Maybe I just need to take the first step toward something.
The Takeaway: Waking Up, One Step at a Time
At the end of the day, we’re all searching for something—purpose, meaning, a reason to get out of bed. Maybe I won’t figure it all out today. Maybe I won’t figure it out next year. But what I can do is stop waiting for a miracle and start living.
Because the real jackpot isn’t money. It’s time. And I’ve already spent enough of it waiting for life to begin.